I used to watch my much older step sisters with their own forms of art. One played the clarinet in band, when we went to see her concerts I would dream of one day being able to play an instrument. I remember thinking the cork grease in her clarinet case was lip balm. EW. My other sister was into fashion. design and painting. I adored everything she did, except the hideous clothes she tried to get me to wear. As most younger children do, I was quick to imitate and try to be like them.
When I was four I started ballet. Many little girls take ballet or dance when they are young, its cute, its fun. I wasn't very good at it. Hated practicing. It was almost a game to see how much I could get away with with out trying. The ballet experiment ended at the age of 10.
In early elementary school I remember that we were all required to write little books. The the kid with the best book out of each grade would travel to a larger competition and have a chance at getting published. My books always sucked. I was a terrible writer when I was in first grade. Needless to say I never thought I would be any good at writing. I also suspect many of the kids didn't write their own books, especially looking back. But I sure as shit did.
In middle school I started playing the saxophone. It was very enjoyable. I wasn't the best, at first but I was pretty damn good. Usually second or third chair out of eight kids. Not too bad. Of course I moved after my first year in band. Then all the shit hit the fan. I was suddenly an only child(long boring sad story) in a new school with no friends. Not to mention I had a terrible band teacher. I almost failed the class. So that was my first experience with being afraid of something I love to do. The following year in band the kids in my section got so physically and verbally abusive I quit. Walked out. Left for good. But I made a friend, finally, Jamie. She pretty much insisted I be her friend and wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm glad she did.
I started drawing a bit. Doodling.
My mom was in perfect agreement with me leaving band in middle school but in high school she insisted I try again. I'm very glad she made me go back. It became such a huge part of my identity for the next 8 years it's hard to think of who I would have been with out it. The saxophone became an extension of my own voice. I was finally good at something. Sports and academics be damned. I spent quite a bit of time practicing. Jazz Band, wind ensemble, symphonic band, marching band... the only down side was having 3 different teachers, the school couldn't hold on to anyone for more than a couple of years and that may very well still be the case.
I dabbled in various forms of artistic expression throughout high school. Drawing, painting, music, ceramics, and poetry. I loved all of it. This was when I became very interested in literature. I'd been reading Anne Rice since I was 13. I was very lucky my high school had a lot of classes to take that focused on my interests in all of these things. Shakespeare, British Lit, mythology ect. but it was all for fun, I thought music was going to be the thing that took me somewhere. Despite how well I did in my school it wasn't my musicianship that was impressive it was my lack of fear to try things. My skills were decent, but I made up for what was missing with an adventurous spirit. Unless it had to do with auditions. Concerts are one thing, standing alone in a room with three people staring at you is quite another. I never made it to any kind of regional or state anything. I always choked. By the time I was a senior I felt myself becoming resentful of the process. All the work, the practice. I'd always fuck it up. That was when i learned the valuable lesson, sometimes it doesn't matter how badly you want to be good at something, sometimes you just aren't good enough.
So that's my biggest fear in this... what if I'm as mediocre at writing as I am at playing the saxophone.
Balls.
On that note here's some delicious Chocolate Chip Cookies
The link to the original and below is my mothers variation.
2 sticks of butter (1 cup)
2 cups brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 1/2 cup all purpose flour
8 oz semi sweet chocolate chips
Set oven to 350F
mix all ingredients except the last two, once well mixed add flour and chocolate chips together.
spoon golf ball sized portions of the dough on to a cookie sheet. bake 9 or 10 mins, or until done.
I've never personally heard you play the sax, but your writing is above mediocre. That band teacher you're talking about...he was my seminar teacher...pretty sure he almost gave me an F for quiet time...imagine that :)
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