No Light, No Light

I didn't know I still had this in me... or anything at all.  Sometimes I feel as empty as a carton of milk with just a tiny bit left in the bottom.  It's strange to see something I want. After all this time.  I feel I finally have goals, however, none of them are seemingly in reach.  It's as if I'm looking across the grand canyon. The last time I wanted something I tried to jump the canyon, or shark... or ya know ...whatever, basically it didn't go well. I can see what I want I just have no idea how to get there.  But that's a huge step. I've been wandering around for years trying to figure out what I want, where to go.  It's also difficult not to fall into my old habits.  I tend to cut and run if I feel something is not worth my time. Which is sometimes good, case in point... family has always been a big one.  If you have ever treated me badly and we're related? We aren't talking. Not at all.  As far as I'm concerned if you can't bother to treat me with respect you're gone.  I wish I could hold this as true in other aspects of my life.  The dark side?  I'm really only close to my grandmother and my mother.  But it's usually worth it not to have to suffer through repeated betrayal.  
The difference between this familial mess and the things I want is fairly simple. It's my own to figure out. To mess up or succeed at.  These goals... I think this is something worth sticking to, even if its difficult and it takes a long time. Yes, I do have to be this vague... how many people ask me how my writing is going every week? way too many. Poorly, that's how its going.  I have bigger fish to fry right now and maybe I always will.